


When Thoughts Collide

by adhdbuck



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: ALSO the football teams r gender inclusive because i said so, Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, Eddie tutors Buck, Evan "Buck" Buckley Has ADHD, High School Football, M/M, More tags as I go, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, also dyscalculia because that's what i have, also i based his adhd off of my own so keep that in mind, evan's dad's name is Richard because it means dick and that's what he is, i had to like read a wikipedia about football, its just weed tho, like its basically canon, not fun, nothing extremely deep just mentioned, things are bad till they're not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adhdbuck/pseuds/adhdbuck
Summary: From an outsider’s perspective, Evan Buckley’s high school career has been nothing but perfect.Until Eddie Diaz walks into his life.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 93
Kudos: 271





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> title from Collide by The Model Youth, I'm not super in love with it so I might change it later.
> 
> Anyways here we are, the hs au that I almost started writing the day RG said that shit and then I took a break and then I had unexpected health issues that have been distracting me, but we've made it on the other side. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it, this is definitely going to be a slowburn and I'm still writing but I decided to post the first few chapters to see what y'all think

From an outsider's perspective, Evan Buckley's high school career has been nothing but perfect. He's a quarterback on the football team and has gone to nationals twice. Even got a girlfriend as soon as freshman year started, an older girlfriend at that, who's off at some European university. As far as everyone else is concerned, they're still dating. His dad is supportive, his coach always puts him on first string, his teammates look up to him, Evan Buckley's life is great. 

Until Eddie Diaz walks into his life. 

"Who the hell is that?" Well, it's more like Buck walks into the locker room just in time to see the new guy changing. 

Coach Nash clears his throat behind Buck and makes his way over to the gorgeous, tan guy. 

Not that Buck would call him gorgeous or anything. 

"This is Edmundo Diaz, he moved here from Texas and is going to be our new offensive tackle since Chimney graduated this spring." 

"'Eddie' is fine, coach."

Buck hates him instantly, _who gives themselves their own nickname?_

It's the summer before his junior year, where they practice nothing but drills and run until they can't feel their legs anymore. It's _supposed_ to be a good time, a time where Buck can get out of the house for a while and forget his worries. But now he has to deal with this _Eddie_ guy from Texas, who everyone inexplicably seems to like. 

So a month goes by of running drills and glaring at Eddie _,_ they haven't even spoken to one another. Buck finds it all the more annoying, even though he knows he would never want to have a conversation with him. It's just the principle of the thing, Buck is the quarterback of the team Eddie should come up and talk to him, not the other way around. 

"Get over yourself." Is the only thing Hen has to say when the matter comes up. 

Coach just looks disappointed when he catches Buck drilling holes into Eddie's skull, all Buck can do is shrug his shoulders. Because if coach asked why he hated Eddie so much, he really doesn't know what he would tell him. 

There's that stupid drawl that comes out when he says certain words, or the way he runs a little faster than Buck, or the way he wears those stupid tank tops, or the way he drinks water like he hasn't had a drop in years and the exasperated sigh afterwards, and the way he'll pour water over himself, and the way that he changes in the locker room without a care, and the way he's so nice to everyone on the team, and the way he smiles at Buck like Buck doesn't hate him, and the butterflies in his stomach when he does. 

He hates Eddie Diaz because he knows deep down, he really doesn't. 

But it's not just that, maybe Eddie is the culmination of things, like the last straw on the camel's back or whatever. Because when Buck looks at Eddie all he sees are the things he wishes he could be. To change in the locker room without caring who stares? Buck could never, not when the bruises from last week are still healing, sure he could play it off as something he got at practice but he knows that those excuses never last long. Coach looks at him weird enough like he's gonna start asking questions, even mentioned his wife is a cop several times. But Buck thinks that was a scare tactic more than anything. 

Eddie is just so carefree it hurts. Smiling comes easy to him, Buck doesn't know someone could be that happy.

Summer is coming to an end which means practice is ending. That means he has to endure a few weeks of staying at home with his dad, nothing that he isn't used to by now. Because, sure, from an outsider's perspective his dad is supportive of his football career, but that's where he stops caring. After that, everything Buck does isn't good enough, and the bottles thrown at him are something he deserves. 

His girlfriend dumped him in a DM when he asked who the guy in her Instagram pictures was.

So from the outsider's perspective? Great life.

From Buck's? Not so much. 


	2. Chapter 2

Buck likes school because its a place where his dad isn’t, and it’s a place where he can hang out with his friends or sometimes the people who pretend to be his friends. He’s the quarterback of the varsity football team, people were bound to navigate their way over to him, but he really doesn’t care for them much. The only people who didn’t actually care about Buck’s popularity were Chimney and Hen, the three amigos. Since Chimney graduated last year it's just Hen and Buck, but he doesn’t mind. 

“Have you seen his hair? It's so annoyingly fluffy, like how does that even happen?” Hen does mind.

“Buck, I love you, but if you talk about Eddie any more I might have to punch you.” Buck doesn’t register the threat, too busy glaring at Eddie from across the cafeteria. Eddie who has somehow found himself at the table with the other jocks only a month into school, something that took Buck a whole year, _asshole._

Not that he cares or anything.

“Why don’t we sit at that table?” It’s a conversation they’ve had a few times, and usually, the answer is something along the lines of… 

“Everyone we play with is extremely annoying we have been over this.” 

“I thought you said Lena was cool.”

“She is, but Tommy fucking sucks.”

“True.” Buck may be the quarterback and he may be somewhat popular, but that doesn’t mean he wants to subject himself to sitting at their table. Eddie for some reason does, not that Buck cares, obviously. 

The bell rings and they part ways to class, _off to algebra._

Buck wishes he wasn’t a walking stereotype of the “dumb jock” but if there was anything he dreaded more than going home, it was learning. Don’t get him wrong, he could stay up all night reading and deep-diving random articles on Wikipedia, Hen, and Chimney had been subjected to many ‘cool facts’ throughout their friendship. 

But whenever the bell rang and he found himself sitting in class, nothing stuck. He tries taking notes but ends up doodling all over the page, he’s got journals full of random shit he’s drawn. Buck’s not sure how he got this far, some teachers just let him through with a C- because they couldn’t be bothered, others knew that holding him back was going to teach him anything, so Buck just kept getting passed along. Not that he minded, the easier it was to get out of high school the better.

Sometimes he wishes he could actually hear what the teacher was saying, but even when he actually _tried_ the words seemed to float over him and the PowerPoints always looked weird. 

“Mr. Buckley.” _Who calls students by their last name?_

“Uh, yeah?” Buck was used to this, teachers loved calling on him because they knew he never paid attention, not that he could help it. But he doesn’t think they cared either way.

Mr. Miller just sighs and begins to give a speech about the importance of the quadratic formula in daily life. Buck already tuned out, thinking about more important stuff like football and how he was going to dodge his dad getting in the house today and how stupid Eddie looks. 

Eddie who Buck only gets to look at during lunch since they don’t share any classes except P.E. but Buck totally doesn’t care, _he’s probably in AP._ He’s not sure if he’s angry at Eddie for being smart, or at himself for not.

But the bell rings and it’s time for the next class. Buck just floats from class to class, as long as he shows up that’s all that counts. 

Then it’s last period, P.E. Buck actually likes this class, not surprisingly. But whoever decided that having a physical class at the end of the day which is the hottest time of the day, needs a stern talking to. Also whoever decided to put Eddie in his class should be dealt with as well, because if he thought football practice was bad, this is way up there. Gym shorts really don’t leave much to the imagination, and Buck is a teenage boy, not that he’s looking or anything. 

Also, they have to change in the locker room again, Eddie really doesn’t have a care, it’s annoying. 

Buck’s in the middle of ‘glaring’ when Coach Nash comes up to him. “Buck, can I talk to you in the office?”

It’s the last class of the day, and Buck always takes longer to change than everyone else as a force of habit. He just nods and follows Bobby inside, there are a few stragglers but they’re making their way out. Buck really doesn’t like the feeling in the room. 

“Buck I was looking at your grades,” _Oh god._

“I don’t even do that coach.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but the face on Coach’s face means it definitely didn’t land.

“Some of your teachers have emailed me as well, they’re concerned,” _They don’t act like it._ “And frankly I am too.”

“Coach, it’s the beginning of the semester, everyone struggles a bit.” If he can just deflect long enough, maybe Coach will let him off the hook. It usually works with everyone else.

“Buck I wasn’t just looking at this semester,” _Oh._ “Your grades have been consistently poor.”

“At least they're consistent.”

“Evan.” That name usually is followed by a fist, and it's usually said with the stench of alcohol to aid it. He wonders if Coach noticed the flinch if he does, he doesn’t say anything.,

“Sorry.” If anyone has the ‘not angry but disappointed’ face down to a science its Coach Nash, and it works on Buck every time.

Coach just sighs, this probably wasn’t the job he signed up for when he decided to coach a high school football team. Buck wishes he could be better, his brain just doesn’t work like other’s do.

“Look if I don’t see improvement, I’m going to have to put you on the bench this year. Maybe cut you from the team so you can focus on your studies.”

Buck was expecting this talk, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he couldn’t skate by forever. He had hoped, that maybe Coach didn’t care enough, just let his quarterback stay on the team despite his almost failing grades. But Bobby was a good guy, didn’t mean that Buck didn’t hate him at that exact moment in time. 

“Are you kidding me? I get a couple of Cs and you want to cut me from the team?” Buck needed football, it gave him a reason to get up in the morning, practically the only reason he made any effort at all in school. Take that away, Buck doesn’t know who he is. 

“Evan,” The instinct to curl into himself is strong but his anger is keeping him rigid, “it’s not just a couple of Cs, you failed some classes in freshman year, your teachers are telling me you have a hard time focusing.”

“Like they give a shit.”

“Buck listen,”

“Whatever. Are we done?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer just gets up and leaves, and of course, when he opens the door there is good ol’ Eddie Diaz standing slack-jawed in front of him. Buck can’t find himself to care and just brushes past him. Who cares if he knows Buck is a dumbass? Not like he even registered who Buck was.

Also, his bicycle has a flat tire. 

Who’s the jackass that thinks Buck has a good life? He just wants to talk.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW Child Abuse

The bike was a gift from his dad, a sort of ‘sorry your mom, and I got a divorce and I took you across the country away from your only sibling’ gift. He remembers those days, the time before the divorce, and after they moved out here when his dad only drank a beer a night. His dad could be a nice guy then, had even hugged Buck when he made junior varsity. Then one beer became two and so on. 

Buck remembers the first time his dad hit him. His mom had called him for Thanksgiving his freshman year. When his dad overheard who Buck was talking to he went absolutely ballistic. Buck can still smell the scotch on his breath. 

Buck stopped answering his mother’s calls after that, it was better that way. 

Didn’t mean his dad stopped hitting him though. There was always something Buck was doing wrong, at some point he stopped trying to be the absolute perfect version of himself for his father, nothing ever worked. He would do the dishes, all the laundry, vacuum the entire house, mow the lawn, none of it mattered. Richard Buckley was a perfectionist, and Buck was an extreme imperfection, he let Buck know that on more than one occasion. 

Buck was the reason that he got a divorce, not the over-dependency on alcohol. He rolled his eyes the first few times his dad used that line on him, now he just does it internally.

But the bike was a gift from the dad that he remembers from his childhood, not whoever he turned into. Now he has to deal with however present-dad responds to Buck being almost two hours late unless he’s not home. 

Except the old ford truck is in the driveway, one of the few occasions he’s actually at home and not drunk at a bar somewhere. 

_Maybe he’s passed out on the couch?_

“Why are you so late?” _Fuck._

“My bike -“

“Speak up, can’t hear you when you fucking mumble.”

  
Buck can roll his eyes, his dad is too busy watching the television to even look at him.

“My bike had a flat tire.” He barely raised his voice, he doesn’t know what his dad would consider ‘yelling’ back at him, and he really doesn’t want to find out today. 

“That doesn’t explain why you’re so late.”

“I had to walk back home.” The air in the room shifts, _fuck_.

His dad turns to look at him, he hasn’t shaved or showered all day. Buck is pretty sure he just woke up too, he’s not sure how his dad even makes money like this. 

“Are you talking back to me boy?” But that’s the least of his worries because his dad has a hand on an empty beer bottle and Buck has gotten better at dodging but his dad hates when he does it. It’s a lose-lose situation he’s in. 

“No sir, I was just-“

“Fucking speak up!” A bottle explodes by his head, Buck didn’t even see him throw it. “What to much of a pussy to take a bottle? I thought you were tough.” Buck wonders what Maddie’s doing right now, he hopes she’s having a good day. 

His dad stands up and makes his way over to Buck, and Buck knows that he could overtake him in a second there’s just something in his brain keeping him from throwing the first punch or actually defending himself. Some primal reasoning that this is still his dad, still flesh and blood, but that doesn’t stop Richard from punching him in the gut.

The abs he built up over the years helps lessen the blow, but he acts like it causes more pain than it does. Better to stroke his dad’s ego than angering him anymore. 

So Buck finds himself on the floor hunched over with his dad standing over him, _does it feel good?_ His dad always likes aiming for his gut, anything that sends Buck to the floor, so he can pretend that he’s taller than his son. 

It isn’t Buck’s fault that he was six feet by freshman year, the extra couple of inches just added insult to injury for Richard he guesses. 

“You need to learn to take responsibility for yourself and your things,” _Is he actually trying to parent me right now?_

“I don’t know how it got a flat, it just did.” The kick is weak, his dad really isn’t on his A game right now, Buck is thankful. 

“Did I say you could talk?” Buck just shakes his head. “Alright well, if you can’t take care of your own things how can I expect you to take care of anything?” He really doesn’t like where this is going, whenever his dad tries to ‘parent’ it never ends well. “And I think the only way to teach you how to take care of your own, I’m gonna be locking all the food away.”

“What?” _This is new._

“Go up to your room, for today you’ll get no dinner, and from tomorrow on you’ll only be eating what I give you. Nothing more and nothing less, anything you want you have to go out and get it.”

_With what money?_ Buck almost says it, but he knows better. Freshman year his dad let him have a part-time job, if Buck had known better then he would have saved more money. Richard made him quit six months since he wasn’t at home enough. Now the only time he can make money is if he can mow a few lawns for the neighbors, but grass only grows so fast. 

When his dad found out what he was doing he made Buck give him a cut of the money, because it’s technically ‘his money’ too. So he works other odd jobs when he can spare some time after practice, saving the money in the loose floorboard in his closet, for what? He’s not really sure. 

It’s there, and it’s waiting for Buck to make a decision. He just has to wait another year, he’ll be eighteen in no time. He’s just got to wait. 


	4. Chapter 4

Eddie Diaz is a good person, at least he tries his best. 

Like when his parents told him they were uprooting his family's life from El Paso to move to L.A.? Eddie was cool with it, he didn’t mind the change. Sure he was sad about leaving his friends behind, but he never felt particularly close to anyone. His coach had even sent a few videos of him playing football to the new coach and had told him he could go to training when he got there in the summer. So all in all, not the worst moving experience. 

Well, he could have done without his girlfriend dumping him because they’re no longer “compatible” or whatever that means. But the feeling was mutual, he really didn’t want to deal with a long-distance relationship.

Eddie’s life is easy, breezy. The move over was fast, his sisters were not as annoying as they usually are, and unpacking all of his stuff wasn’t too bad. Except there’s still some boxes hanging out in his room, he’ll get to them eventually. 

His parents even bought him a truck as a moving gift, his sisters recorded the whole thing and he threatened them not to post him because he hates to admit that he was crying like a baby.

Eddie feels like _the shit_ when he drives over to his first football practice. The feeling lasts two seconds when he makes his way into the locker room to change after introducing himself to Coach Nash. He expected the stares, he’s the new kid, of course, people are going to stare. Eddie would have stared, it’s only natural.

The one thing he doesn’t expect is Evan Buckley.

“Who the hell is that?” 

Eddie isn’t sure how he hears it, the locker room is loud, a bunch of teenagers in one room is definitely not good for long hearing exposure. But he hears it loud and clear, and tries his best to not poke his head out like an ostrich. 

So he isn’t sure who even said it until he’s out in the field and notices some dude staring at him like Eddie kicked his dog or something. 

“How did you get Buck to hate you so much?” That’s how Lena introduces herself to him, the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

He really doesn’t have an answer for her, just shrugs his shoulders. It must work because for the rest of the summer they do all of their drills together, and even hang out after practice. 

Eddie wonders if they’re supposed to date, but he’s noticed the way she looks at waitresses and brushes those thoughts away. She’s a cool chick, a good friend, but he really couldn’t see them _together_. 

Besides this ‘Buck’ guy has taken up most of his brain space. With the most important question, _what the fuck did I do to this guy?_ And also, _who names their kid Buck?_

Stuff that haunts him all through the rest of summer and into the beginning of the school year. 

Also, he guesses that hanging out with Lena means that he has to hang out with the rest of the team, which is fine. Some of the people on his team are jerks, not terrible enough to make him want to get up and leave, but enough that it actually starts to physically hurt after how much he cringes during lunch. 

Buck also hasn’t let up on the glaring, he can feel the stare all the way from across the cafeteria. He’s even started actually turning around to look at Buck, which always makes him get all flustered, it’s hilarious. Especially the way the blush on his cheeks makes its way up to the birthmark on his eye, super hilarious not cute or anything. 

Eddie would never call the guy that glares at him _cute_. 

Everything considered Eddie’s life is pretty good. Until he overhears the conversation between Buck and Coach after P.E. That throws a wrench into things because Eddie is a good person to a fault. He keeps most of his emotions inside, packed away in a neat little box, but they’re still in there and his heart still aches when he sees Buck’s face leaving Bobby’s office. 

It really fucking sucks.

Eddie doesn’t even feel his feet move, but he finds himself standing in Coach’s office, telling him that he can tutor Buck. He’s in AP and has straight As, who wouldn’t want him for a tutor?

Bobby agrees, but he tells Eddie that Buck is _difficult_. Eddie realized that on the first day he got here, he doesn’t really need a reminder. 

It isn’t till he gets home that he realizes what he’s signed up for. Tutoring the guy that hates him probably? Not the smartest idea he’s ever had, but there’s something about Buck. Something that makes Eddie want to help him despite everything, so he goes to bed that night hoping to wake up with a plan to confront Buck. 

He’s in third period and still has no clue. Like a sign from, something, he keeps seeing Buck walk around today. Always just out of reach, walking in and out of classrooms, and for the first time, Eddie notices that Buck is kind of, off. Like he’s somewhere else, Eddie wonders how he even makes it to class like that. 

When lunch rolls around he texts Lena that he’s going to sit at Buck’s table, she just sends:

_????????_

He decides to leave the conversation at that. 

After he grabs his lunch he passes by his usual spot and Lena gives him a huge ‘what the fuck’ face, he just shrugs. An interaction that sums up their friendship perfectly. 

Hen sees him first since Buck’s back is toward him with his head on the table, she smiles which is not what he expected from Buck’s friend. Eddie thought that since Buck hated him, for some reason, Hen would hate him too. He takes his victories where he can. 

“Hey, Eddie.” Well, Hen may not hate him, but she definitely has a mean streak. Eddie can definitely see the joy on her face by the way Buck shoots up off the table. 

“Hey, guys mind if I sit here?” Eddie wonders if he could sound any more like a dweeb. Buck is just staring at him, less like a glare and more like a ‘is that a fucking alien?’

Hen just waves her hand and Eddie takes a seat, and not a second later Buck gets up. “I’m gonna go…” And promptly leaves. 

Eddie sighs, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy and Buck sure isn’t helping. He can hear Lena’s ‘duh’ from here. Hen just clears her throat and gives him a ‘look,’ Eddie immediately gets up to follow Buck out of the cafeteria. 

Which leads out into the courtyard where other students are scattered about, he spots Buck sitting on a bench by himself. _He looks sad_ , Eddie can’t help is thoughts especially when they’re true. It’s something he noticed that whenever Buck was by himself at practice and thought no one was looking, it’s like a veil falls and his face just changes. Morphs into this person who looks like they’ve never smiled. Then he changes back when he notices someone looking, plastering a smile back onto his face. A smile that never reaches his eyes. 

Eddie steels himself and makes his way over, _no better time than the present,_ and sits down next to Buck, who doesn’t seem to notice or just doesn’t care. 

“Um, hey.” Not the smoothest opening.

“What do you want?” Buck’s voice is muffled by his hands, but Eddie can make it out.

“I overheard your conversation with Coach…” Buck looks at him, and he looks defeated and angry at the same time. Eddie would be impressed if he wasn't scared by whatever Buck would say next.

“Yeah, and? What the fuck does that have to do with you?”

“I, uh, I talked to coach afterward, and we thought that I could tutor you…” Now Buck just looks mad. 

“I don’t need your fucking help.” Buck gets up to leave, and Eddie doesn’t know what possesses him to put his hand on his arm but he does. Buck looks at it like it burns, Eddie feels the same. 

“Buck, I just want to help.” 

“I’m not a fucking project.” His words sound rough, but its the lowest his voice has been this entire conversation.

“That’s not the point, we’re on a team, we look out for each other.” Eddie would have done this for anyone, really.

They’re just kind of looking at each other, and Eddie realizes his hand is still on Buck’s arm. So he takes it off, and it feels weird but it was probably weird that he was still touching him. 

“Give me your phone.”

“What?”

Buck rolls his eyes, “So I can put my number in.”

“Oh right.” He fumbles taking his phone out of his pocket and Buck just rolls his eyes again, it gives Eddie a reason to look at his birthmark. 

“Text me with the details later or whatever.” He hands Eddie’s phone back and is actually leaving this time. 

“Can I still sit with you at lunch?” Eddie must be actually possessed, he wonders if Abuela can perform an exorcism over the phone. 

“I don’t care.” The look on his face says otherwise, but Eddie follows him back to the table where Hen is deep in a conversation on FaceTime with another girl their age. 

He spends most of the time talking to them, while Buck just lays with his head in his arms. Eddie doesn’t bother him and Hen does the same. When he tries, Hen just shakes her head, and he notices that Buck is actually sleeping. 

So he’ll keep getting to know Buck better for their tutoring session. 

_Oh god._

Eddie really doesn’t know what he got himself into, but he blames Buck for getting him wrapped up in all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing from Eddie's pov for the first time ever, fun! they'll probably alternate every so often cuz I just want to have one fic instead of doing two parts 
> 
> let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i should explain that their hs has a block schedule, cuz that's what mine had. so basically Wednesdays and Fridays you would have periods 1, 3, 5 and Tuesdays and Thursdays you would have 2, 4, 6. Mondays you would have all ur classes. i don't know why I think this is necessary but its what I was used to

**_E:_ ** _Hey it’s Eddie!_

Eddie will never tell anyone how long it took him to figure out what to send to Buck, the guy isn’t exactly the easiest to start a conversation with. 

**_B_ ** _: Ok_

Point exactly. Eddie feels like marching over to wherever Buck is on campus and shaking his shoulders till he spills as to what the fuck Eddie did to him. Like all Eddie wants to do is help him stay on the team and this is how he’s treated? He should think about revoking the offer. But Eddie is a good guy so he doesn’t. 

It doesn’t stop him imagining it though.

**_E_ ** _:_ _When are you free?_

**_B_ ** _:_ _Before practice_

**_E_ ** _: Right after school?_

**_B_ ** _: Yeah_

Eddie takes a minute to think, practice at his old school was only three days a week, but they also hadn’t gone to nationals multiple years in a row either. This team literally went to practice every single day, Eddie didn’t know if he would be able to keep up in the beginning but he had slowly got used to the grueling pace after a few weeks. So after some very complicated math, Eddie figured that he would have an hour a day to tutor Buck before they had to practice.

Which meant they could walk to practice together, which meant Eddie could pick Buck’s brain more. 

**_E_ ** _: Okay, we’ll start tomorrow_

Buck didn’t respond, but Eddie knows he saw it when he gets to the locker room and Buck just gives him a look. 

It’s weightlifting day since Coach knows that most of his players have P.E. one day he is so kind as to make it on an opposite day. Which basically means that Eddie is sore all week, super fun. Though he always finds weightlifting to be his favorite time since Buck is so _not_ subtle about trying to put more weight on the Eddie does. 

Now that they have some sort of rapport, maybe he can make a conversation?

“What are we measuring here Buck?” Okay maybe not that, but Buck gets flustered and it makes Hen laugh, so he calls that a win. Though the face Coach makes it less so.

After training Coach rounds everyone up in the changing room, probably to give a speech about the upcoming game on Friday. 

“Alright everybody, the first game of the season is this Friday. I know for some of you it's your first game, don’t worry you just have the entire school’s honor riding on your backs,” _Yikes coach,_ “That was a joke, guys. Just do your best out there and train hard, we’ve got a few days till then so don’t worry too much about it.”

Lena just pats Eddie on the shoulder, “Coach isn’t really known for his great speeches.”

The assistant coach, Chimney (Eddie wonders what he did to get that nickname) laughs, “He’s not much better at the station trust me.”

“He’s a firefighter right?” Eddie has only been here a month, but Lena had filled him in on the basics. 

“That’s right newbie, and so am I.”

“You’re just a probie, Chimney.” Eddie almost does a double-take, its the first time he’s ever heard Buck sound _happy_. Or at least somewhere near the vicinity of happiness.

“Just you wait Buckaroo, once you get to the 118 I’m going to be giving you all my chores.” _Buckaroo?_ Eddie keeps that knowledge tucked away. 

“What about Hen?”

“Hey don’t rope me into this, you two are the ones who want to be firefighters. I am going to medical school.”

Lena told him that they used to be the three amigos, absolutely inseparable throughout high school until Chimney graduated. For the first time Eddie finds himself jealous, this kind of friendship is something he’s only ever seen on T.V., something he doubted was even real. Friends for him were just people that he hung out with at school and played football with, sometimes they would go out. But what Buck, Hen, and Chimney had, it reminded him more of a family. 

“What about you Eddie?” Chimney snaps him out of whatever rabbit hole he was falling done, he’s grateful except for the fact that he’s kind of lost.

“Uh, what?” Buck rolls his eyes, a signature move he has whenever Eddie exists.

“What do you want to do when you graduate.” _Oh god_ , the dreaded question every teen gets. The expectation that every sixteen years old knows enough about the world to know exactly what they want to do for the rest of their life. He’s gotten this question enough from his parents, but he guesses that since Chimney is eighteen he’s old enough to be indoctrinated into the adult world.

“I’m,” _Just be honest,_ “I’m not really sure, to be honest.” Hen just nods and Buck looks kind of, surprised? 

“Hey no worries man, I didn’t have a clue till I met Bobby. You should come by the station sometime, I can give you a tour.” Eddie actually feels apart of something for the first time in a long time, the same feeling he got when he joined football. Something that he’d been looking for again. 

“Sounds cool.”

It’s nice but it’s late, and Eddie’s somehow already home for dinner.

Then it hits him that he has no idea how to tutor, so he finds himself staying up past midnight looking at… _tutorials on tutoring_. In the end, he just decides to wait and see what Buck needs help with, because how bad can it be?

They’re sitting in the library after school and Eddie realizes that this is _bad_. 

He texted Buck that morning to bring some tests with him that he got bad grades on, Buck could have done better on them if he just hadn’t taken them. There are doodles on the margins and some of the equations aren’t even close to being the right ones. 

“Well?” 

“There’s, um, definitely room for improvement.” It sounds more like a question. 

Buck just sighs, “You don’t have to help, the teachers will just give me a C anyways.”

“No it’s okay, just give me a second to look at these.” Eddie really doesn’t know where to start, it’s almost like he would have to teach Buck elementary school math and work his way up to algebra. 

_What did I get myself into?_

Twenty minutes pass and they’re both frustrated beyond belief, Buck looks like he wants to strangle Eddie. He really wouldn’t mind, anything to put himself out of this misery is extremely welcomed. 

“Dude, are you even paying attention?” The worst part is half of the time Buck is looking out the window or tapping his pencil or what looks like to be counting the ceiling tiles. Focusing on literally everything but the words coming out of Eddie’s mouth.

“Let’s just take a break.” 

“Fine.”

Eddie looks over the work they’ve done, which is minimal. He had been trying to get Buck to understand plugging the numbers into x and y, _maybe I’m a bad teacher?_ But he remembered that his sister had asked him about the same things, and he was able to teach her no problem, and she was in college.

It’s almost like Buck just didn’t know how numbers worked, at all. 

“Wait here.” 

“Okay?”

Eddie was going to put his theory to the test, he went over to the computers and found some math sheets online. The ones with a bunch of addition and subtraction equations, he remembers flying through them in middle school. He just wonders how Buck will handle it.

“Here,” Buck always has his head on the table so Eddie just puts the papers on top of him, “fill these out.”

“You want me to do third-grade math?”

“It’s just practice, to get you warmed up.” It’s more than that, but it would be better to not let Buck know that just yet. “Do you want to be timed?” That’s usually how those go, usually a couple of minutes, but Eddie doesn’t know if putting extra pressure on him would really do the trick. 

“Um, yeah, sure, whatever…” Buck acts like there’s a bomb in front of him, not a paper filled with twenty-five addition equations. Eddie just nods and sets his timer for three minutes, plenty of time he thinks. 

Except for two minutes pass and Buck’s pencil hasn’t moved. _Is he counting on his fingers?_ Eddie isn’t even sure if he made it past the first equation, he’s trying to act like he’s reading on his phone but Buck’s shaking leg has made it hard to do anything but look at him. Buck is gripping his hair and he looks like he’s about to start crying, definitely not what Eddie was going for. Contrary to whatever Buck thinks, he doesn’t hate the guy at all, they’re teammates they look out for each other. Eddie just wants Buck to succeed, no ulterior motive. 

Eddie’s phone vibrates to signal that three minutes are up, Buck doesn’t seem to notice, just stares at the paper in front of him. 

“Buck…”

“What?” The librarian looks up from her desk, definitely wasn’t Buck’s inside voice. 

“Three minutes are up, can I look at your paper?” Eddie is really trying to be nice, giving Buck some space, and Buck looks like he’s definitely not having it.

“You know what, this is fucking stupid, we have practice soon I’m leaving.” And he does as he says, Eddie lets him go, better to let him cool off then make even angrier. _At least he left the paper._

Eddie looks over what Buck had done, and it’s pretty much what he expected. Buck had some of the easier equations done like ’21 + 11’ but others like ’38 + 13’ were either completely wrong or left blank. 

He definitely had a lot of research to do tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I was thirteen I didn't know how to add or subtract, I probably would have been in Buck's boat if my school didn't threaten to hold me back in math and I was like 'oh shit I have a problem' 
> 
> his experience of being passed along through the years is based on my own because it was so obvious I was struggling terribly with math but none of my teachers tried to help. 
> 
> but then I was in ap calculus senior year of high school so hell yeah


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW implied/referenced child abuse

_Running away again?_ The voice in his head sounds an awful lot like his father.

What is Buck even running from this time? Numbers? Simple equations that literal children could solve? He feels absolutely pathetic, doubly so because of the tears burning his eyes and threatening to spill over.

He feels nauseous, but Buck knows that nothing would come up if he tried. All he’s eaten these past few days was the granola bars his dad would leave out for him and school lunches, which was never reliable to be edible. 

Then there’s Eddie, who’s so patient with Buck that it makes him want to punch him. All Buck has done to the guy is be nothing but hostile, and then he goes and offers to tutor him? It’s really not fair. _Well, now that he knows how stupid I am…_

Buck wants to think that Eddie would just drop him, forget all about Buck and let him flunk all of his classes. Though there’s something about Eddie that Buck senses he wouldn’t. _Would be a lot easier that way though._

But nothing about Buck’s life is easy. 

Though when he gets home after practice (which was spent dodging Eddie the entire time) his dad isn’t there. The small victories are the ones that count. 

There’s homework to do and dishes to clean, but his entire body is sore, and the more he can sleep the less he can be awake feeling hungry. 

Before he goes to bed he checks his phone, idly hoping that Eddie canceled tutoring tomorrow. Instead, he gets a text from the last person he expected.

**_M_** : Hey Evan, I’m in L.A. have time to meet?

The last time Maddie and he spoke was a disaster, it was right before his dad took him to California. Maddie didn’t want to go, she had a boyfriend and friends in Pennsylvania like Buck didn’t have anyone there either, but he didn’t get a choice. They spent the whole night arguing, then Buck called her a bitch and Maddie shoved him, not that she could do much damage but the action stung enough. She stormed out of the house and Buck never saw her again, except now she’s apparently in L.A., _fantastic._

Buck decides to ignore her, the best solution he can think of. Besides the first game of the season is on Friday, he has to stay focused. 

“Buck, focus.” He’s really starting to hate that word, _focus,_ like he isn’t trying to. Buck definitely _is_ trying, it just seems that every time he does try it backfires and something catches his eye in the distance and it’s way more entertaining than whatever Eddie is trying to teach him. 

Which is something to do with the metaphors in The Great Gatsby? Buck lost track thirty minutes ago. 

“Do you ever stop moving? Just chill out man.” Eddie could be like a monk or a soldier with the way he sits perfectly still, it makes Buck extremely envious because he can never get his leg to stop moving. When he does he immediately starts twirling his pencil, so no, Buck cannot stop moving. 

Instead of explaining he opts to roll his eyes at Eddie, something that is extremely natural when reacting to whatever he’s doing at that moment. 

“Okay fine, let’s take a break,” _Thank god,_ “and move onto math.” _Fuck._

Buck doesn’t do well in English because all of the books they read are boring, he doesn’t do well in math because…well, Buck really doesn’t know. 

Yesterday brought back memories of sitting in elementary school and feeling cold panic come over him when math was even brought up in passing like he had some evolutionary bias against numbers. He was able to pass it off as laziness for so long, but Eddie Diaz doesn’t look like he’ll be taking that excuse. 

Buck is almost, thankful? Not that he would tell Eddie that, ever.

So it becomes a routine, they’ll meet in the library spend the first half-hour on English and the second half working through addition and subtraction problems. Buck starts to look forward to these sessions, only because sometimes Eddie has leftovers from home and _holy shit_ has it been a while since Buck has had a home-cooked meal.

Before he knows it it's Friday, game day. The whole school is filled to the brim with pride, all of the cheerleaders are in their uniforms, and people have been hyping him up all day. His dad even told him good luck that morning and made him eggs, they were burnt but the sentiment was there. It’s not often that Richard Buckley shows affection, like since Buck was probably a child, but it made Buck forget for a few minutes that his dad almost cracked his ribs the night before. 

“Hey man good luck today!”

“Thanks!” _No time to think about that stuff now._

On game days Buck and Hen like to sit with the rest of the team at lunch, a sort of ritual they made up ever since they had stopped sitting there last year when they were sophomores and Chimney was a senior. It was mostly Chim’s idea since he said he was ‘too old’ to hang out with ‘kids’ anymore. Hen and Buck just gave each other a look and shrugged, honestly Buck didn’t care where they sat, as long as it was together. As sentimental as it sounds. 

The look on Eddie’s face when he sits down across from him is totally worth it too. 

“Hey, Buck.” _Sounds more like a question._

“Yo.” _What is this a 90s movie?_

“Dude, Buck, are you ready for tonight?” And like that the conversation is quickly turned into discussions of plays and what they were going to do after they won tonight because they were going to win, no question. 

After an hour of joking around the bell rings and everyone gets up to head to class.

“You know we’re still studying today right?” _Come on_ , Buck had really hoped that Eddie would lay off for one day, which appears to be not the case, unfortunately.

“Even on game day? Dude I have to focus.”

“We have to work on chemistry today.” There’s a million jokes that Buck could say if Eddie was a chick. Because Buck only finds girls hot, and Eddie is definitely not hot or gorgeous or whatever. 

Buck can feel a blush creeping up his face, he’ll just blame it on the California heat if anyone asks. 

And Buck only rushes to the library after school because he wants to get the tutoring over with, no other reason. 

Except there is a reason, and it's shaped like Eddie Diaz. 

_God, I’m so screwed._

If these sessions have done anything it’s making Buck confused and frustrated, all because of Eddie and everything about him. Especially since they sit so close to each other because Eddie teaches hands-on and _oh man_ his hands are something else. Buck caught himself almost drooling a couple of times. 

These feelings are nothing new, Buck resigned to the fact that he’s probably bisexual when he was in middle school and kept staring at the boys as much as he did the girls. But when he moved with his dad and met Abby, he thought that maybe it had been a phase. Then Eddie showed up and totally ruined everything.

Though Buck’s pretty sure Eddie is straight and even if he wasn’t why would he want anything to do with Buck, especially after realizing how much of a mess he is with schoolwork. If he found out what his home life was, well he’d probably run as fast as he could. At least, Buck hopes he would.

But he decides to ignore all of the thoughts running through his head and tries to actually pay attention to Eddie this time, which isn’t too hard when he tries to explain how neutrons and electrons work with some very lavish hand gestures. 

“Hey, do you want to come over after school?” 

“Uh, what?” 

Eddie looks, shy? Buck really doesn’t know how to read this guy.

“We’ve got some extra time till the game starts, I thought that maybe we could go together?” _This is not a marriage proposal Buck, chill._

“I have my bike with me…” He’s not sure why he’s looking for excuses not to go to Eddie’s house, maybe because it would actually feel like their friends and Buck isn’t sure if he’s ready for such a jump in their relationship status. 

“No problem we can throw it the back of my truck.”

_Guess I’m going to the Diaz residence._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh the ups and downs of high school football
> 
> this chapter was going to be WAAY longer but I decided not to because it would have gotten out of hand
> 
> any comments/criticism r super appreciated always! forgot to mention that before


	7. Chapter 7

Eddie has never been good with silence, he’s used to the sounds of music in the background and a constant stream of voices. 

The ride over to his house is definitely _quiet,_ the kind of quiet that even the radio can’t help with. Which is all radiating off of a certain passenger that Eddie really doesn’t know why he invited him in the first place. Maybe because Buck walks around like a kicked puppy half the time, plastering on a fake smile, and for some reason seems to be getting skinnier. 

Eddie is not ready to admit he’s been sneaking leftovers out of the house to bring to Buck, as long as his mom doesn’t ask why he has a mountain of Tupperware in his backpack then he’s fine. 

“This is it.” Eddie speaking seems to snap Buck out of whatever trance he was under. Silence and Buck just don’t seem natural, Eddie really doesn’t know a time when he’s seen Buck around campus with someone and he wasn’t talking. They’re not close enough for him to bring it up, but Eddie’s hoping that maybe he can change that. _Not sure why though…_

The walk to the front door is fine, walking through the front door is another story.

“Who’s the gringo?” _Sophia._

“Sophia is that how you treat a guest?” She doesn’t even have the audacity to look up from her homework at the dining table, _little sisters._

“Sorry,” she finally looks up and gives Buck a once over, “who are you…gringo?”

“SOPHIA!” Buck was really the last person he wanted to subject to Sophia, especially when Eddie was trying to be his friend. “Buck I’m sorry about her.”

Buck was smiling, like he had been amused by the whole ordeal and not like he just got called a gringo by a twelve-year-old. “It’s no problem, really. My name is Buck, yours?”

“Sophia.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“We’ll see about that.”

_Yeah, this conversation is over,_ “We’re going up to my room, do not bother me unless the house is on fire.”

He doesn’t need to look over his shoulder to know that she’s flipping him off.

As they make their way up the stairs Eddie feels the need to apologize for his sister again, but Buck just waves him off, says that he loves sibling interactions. If there are butterflies in Eddie’s stomach, well only he has to know about that. 

“Welcome to my crib.” _Oh my god, what?_

“You’ve got, a lot of stuff…” Eddie has to look around his room, _do I?_ He feels like he has a standard array of teenage boy things. A small flatscreen T.V., an assortment of posters on his wall, a bookshelf filled with DVDs, and a PlayStation. He’d call this humble compared to what some of his friends back in El Paso had. 

Buck looks like he just walked into the MOMA, staring at all of the posters on his wall, Eddie decides to let him do as he pleases and just plops down on his bed. 

“What’s this?” _No way._

“Do not tell me you’ve never seen Robocop.” 

“I have never seen Robocop.”

“I’d buy that for a dollar? Your move creep? Dead or alive you’re coming with me?”

“Eddie, no amount of quotes is going to make me remember watching a movie I’ve never heard of.” _This is a crime against humanity_.

“Okay we are going to fix this, if we watch it now we’ll have enough time to make it to the game.” He maneuvers Buck over to the bed and forces him to sit down then goes about searching through his collection for his prized Robocop Bluray. 

After the movie starts they find some comfortable positions, ones that have them sitting shoulder to shoulder leaning with their backs on the wall. There’s plenty of room, and Eddie could move away any time, but he’s just so into the movie that he couldn’t be bothered. 

And by into the movie, it’s more like he’s into Buck’s reaction to the movie. The way he smiles and laughs at the funny parts, and gets quiet and serious at the intense parts. Eddie tries to imagine ever feeling this way with Shannon.

“Mom wants to know if you want pizza.” 

“Sophia!”

“What?”

“Do you know how to knock?”

“The door was open, idiot.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but mostly at himself. He doesn’t know why he overreacted its not like they were _doing_ anything, just two bros watching a movie together. Totally platonic. 

“What kind of pizza do you like?” Buck’s the guest so it’s only right.

“Um, it’s fine whatever you guys get I’ll eat.” 

“Dude, you’re our guest you should choose.”

“I’m just going to tell her pepperoni.” Like that she turns around and leaves, _no manners._

“Sophia!” 

Buck just starts laughing, its infectious so Eddie starts laughing too. Something about this feels right, them together, he wonders if Buck notices it too. Eddie wonders if the feeling is in his head, that he’s trying to force Buck to fill the hole in his heart, after all there in high school who knows who they’ll be in the future. 

His mom comes home after the movie ends, and they scarf as many slices down before making their way back to Eddie’s truck and heading to the school to get ready for the game. Eddie’s first game with the team, _maybe eating so many slices wasn’t such a good idea?_

But Buck is there talking a mile a minute and Eddie can’t help the smile that forms on his face despite the growing anxiety. 

Soon enough they’re in the locker room parting ways to get changed, and Coach is there giving some sort of inspirational speech. The sentiment is there, but it’s not really doing much to ease his nerves. 

Everything feels like slow motion as he makes his way over to the field, and then there’s a hand on his shoulder and Buck is there whispering to him, “You’re gonna be fine,”and jogs away.

_Maybe I will be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man this is fic is getting away from me, every time I think I have it figured out I just keep writing more stuff. the last one was supposed to be all the way to the game and we haven't even gotten there yet. and there's so much more after this
> 
> hope y'all stay along for the ride 
> 
> Robocop is my favorite movie, not sure how Eddie actually feels about it but its MY au and I make the rules


	8. Chapter 8

They warm up on the field, which is more like peacocking to show the other team how much better they are, not so different from Texas. Coach Nash takes it a lot more seriously then his old coach did, but it's nice to have more structure. 

The buzzer goes off, _time to play_.

They end up losing the coin toss and find themselves on the defensive for the first half of the quarter, Eddie spends it with Buck and Hen, listening in on as they make fun of Chimney the entire time he’s trying to coach. 

“Don’t make me throw you guys off the team.” For some reason, Chim is wearing sunglasses, Hen told him that Chim feels ‘badass’ with them on. The sun had set ten minutes ago. 

“Chimney you don’t have that kind of power.” Buck has a shit-eating grin on his face, Eddie can’t help but think how nice it is to see Buck smile. 

“No but I do, and we just got the ball so get out there and do us proud.” Eddie admires that Coach can be absolutely terrifying and yet you still want to do your best for him. So he throws his helmet on and makes his way to his position _carefully._

The whole week that wasn’t spent with Buck he was worrying over how he could possibly screw up his L.A. debut, so he will definitely avoid tripping tonight. He has to remind himself this is just high school football, it won’t matter in the long run. But the looks on everyone’s faces, even Buck is taking this seriously. _I want to make them proud._

The first quarter is a disaster, the second isn’t too much better. Looking up at the board it's 3-14, just because they were lucky enough that Lena was able to hit a field goal.

During halftime Eddie spots Buck is sitting off to the side, Coach is talking to him but nothing seems to be sticking. Once Coach leaves Eddie makes his way over, he has a pretty good idea why Coach was talking to him, and he’s got more to add.

“Why don’t you trust me?” It’s Eddie’s job to tackle anyone who would go after Buck, literally in the name, offensive tackle. But every single time the opportunity they have to make a play Eddie noticed that Buck won’t throw a pass when he can sense someone behind him, which leads to a fumble, which leads to the other team getting two touchdowns. 

It stings to know that Buck doesn’t trust him, but he can’t kid himself. They haven’t known each other long enough, but Eddie thought that with the tutoring that maybe Buck had turned around on him. They seemed to have a good time at his house, _maybe I was wrong?_

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“Buck don’t play dumb,” it might not be the best thing to say, but it gets Buck’s attention, “my position is to make sure that you’re safe enough to make a pass.”

“I know that Eddie.”

“Then why do you not trust me to do it?”

Buck looks down and finds a rather interesting piece of loose thread on the hem of his jersey, _he’s trying to dodge my question._ “Buck, you have to trust me, okay?”

“If I get tackled…”

“I’ll buy you lunch for a week.” _There’s that smile._

“Make it two.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but there’s no real heat behind it.

“Fine.”

The buzzer goes off and Eddie holds out a hand for Buck to get up, _please trust me._

It’s just high school football and it’s not life or death, but right now at this moment it sure feels like it. Especially with everyone in the stands going absolutely ballistic, Eddie knows they’re chanting but it all just sounds like noise to him.

The third quarter starts off rocky, but Buck has a great throwing arm once he gets warmed up. By the end of the third its 14-21, and at the end of the fourth its 24-21, and Eddie can’t stop smiling because _Buck never went down._

The crowd goes nuts and Eddie can’t hear himself think, he finds Buck’s eyes and everything gets a bit quieter while he makes his way over. 

“Eddie that was…you were…that was cool as hell.”

“I told you, I’ll always have your back.”

“And, um, I can…I can have yours too…”

“Yeah?”

Buck just nods, Eddie wonders if they’re supposed to hug or…well it would be too soon for that he thinks. 

Obviously the universe thinks so because there’s a pretty brunette making their way over, she’s older too. Eddie heard the rumors from Tommy and Lena, that he has an older girlfriend. But she was in Europe last time he heard, so why was she here? Something twists inside him, and he doesn’t know if it’s the adrenaline or the burning jealousy.

Buck looks like he’s just seen a ghost, “What are you doing here?” 

Eddie’s not sure if that’s how you’re supposed to greet an old girlfriend.

“I heard you had a game tonight.” She seems nervous, they’re standing apart with Eddie in the middle. He’s starting to wonder if he should just book it, but Buck looks like he’ll fall over any second so he stays just in case. 

“Yeah, but why are you _here_? _” Is Buck mad?_

“Evan I told you I was in L.A., you never answered my text.” _Evan?_ Obviously Eddie learned after eavesdropping on Coach and Buck’s conversation that his real name was Evan, but literally no one at the school called him that. _Maybe it was only reserved for special people?_ The feeling in his stomach gets worse at the thought.

“There was a reason for that.”

“Evan, grow up.”

“You know what Maddie? Go fuck yourself.” With that Buck turns around to the locker room, Eddie knows its best to give him a minute of space to calm down. He’s about to, talk or interrogate this Maddie chick, he’s really not sure which. Chimney seems to have honed into their conversation though and makes his way over, 

“Is everything alright here?” _Read the room dude._

“I’m gonna go check on Buck…” Eddie would rather be in the locker room with a ticking time bomb then out here with, whoever. 

Most of the players had changed and made their way back out onto the field, so the changing room is eerily empty as Eddie looks for Buck. Who’s sitting on the bench, jersey tossed who knows where. Eddie wishes this was under better circumstances. 

“Hey Buck.”

“Hey.”

_What the fuck do I do now?_ Eddie opts for sitting next to Buck, trying to think of something, but Buck spares him.

“That was my sister.” _Ohthankgod_ , is the only thought he has right now. “I haven’t spoken to her since I moved here.” Eddie didn’t know that Buck wasn’t from L.A., frankly, he didn’t really know anything about Buck. It was weird the more he thought about it, Buck was always talking, but nothing about his personal life ever slipped out. 

“That must have been rough.” Eddie doesn’t know what else to say, Buck just scoffs.

“That’s not even the half of it.” He does a once over of Buck, who still has his tank top on, there are bruises, faded old bruises and some new ones that he definitely didn’t get from tonight's game. Eddie isn’t sure he got them from practice either, he was never bruised _so why is Buck?_

Buck seems to notice the eyes on him so he gets up and puts on a sweatshirt, Eddie saves this conversation for a later date. This is the most that Buck has ever talked to him about something substantial other than literature or mathematics, he doesn’t want to scare him away by prodding further than he’s welcome. 

Buck still hasn’t turned to face Eddie, it makes him want to reach out and grab him, “Don’t waste your time on me Eddie, I’m not worth it.” 

“What?” It came out of nowhere, _he’s not worth what?_ Eddie’s time, his patience? He would give it all to Buck in a heartbeat, he has. Eddie wouldn’t stick with tutoring just anyone if he thought they weren’t worth his time. He wouldn’t bring food from home, keeping enchiladas and burritos in his backpack to give to just _anybody_.

“I got to go. See ya.”Eddie is so dumbfounded by what Buck said he doesn’t even react fast enough to respond. 

He comes around a second later and makes his way to find Buck, _how’s he going to get home?_ Buck might think he’s alone for whatever reason, but Eddie wants to prove him wrong. Because they might not have known each other for long, but he recognizes this feeling, _I think I like him._

It’s unsettling, but it’s the truth. He’s not sure which form of like it is either, something bordering platonic and romantic. Eddie decides it would be best to keep it to himself for now, especially since Buck seems to have enough on his plate. 

“Are you friends with Buck?” It’s Maddie, the sister not the girlfriend.

‘ _Don’t waste your time on me.’_

“Yes.” Eddie has a lot of time to waste.

“Do you mind keeping an eye on him for me?”

“Not at all.” She smiles and Eddie can see the family resemblance.

He spends the rest of his time looking for Buck, till Lena catches up with him and tells him that Hen took him home. _Right, his friend._

Even with Eddie’s realization that he does in fact have some sort of _feeling_ towards Buck, he has no idea how he feels about Eddie. 

It sucks so Eddie decides to head home and play his music loud in the car to drown out all his thoughts because for some reason his life has turned into a teen romance movie. 

Eddie wants a word with whoever’s in charge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i binged a:tla last night and then I spent all day today playing persona 5 when I suddenly realized I forgot to write a chapter, whooops
> 
> hopefully you guys liked it, had some trouble with it buuuuuut I think it ended up okay enough?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW Child Abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I offer this chapter as a humble apology

After the game, everything goes back to normal, well the _new_ normal.

Buck still goes to his tutoring sessions with Eddie, and he might be learning something actually. It feels ridiculous going there to work on elementary school math when he's a junior, but Eddie's a good teacher. Always patient, especially when Buck gets frustrated with problems he's sure Eddie could solve in less than half a second. But he never feels embarrassed, not when he's with Eddie. 

Also, the food from home is great, Mondays are his favorite days now (who would have thought) because that's when Eddie brings food from his Abuela's. But honestly, Eddie could bring him a chicken sandwich he found on the side of the road, and he would scarf it down. 

His dad isn't completely starving Buck, he'll at least give him a granola bar on a bad day, good days he'll get a plate of pasta, and really good days they'll order takeout. There are not many really good days.

Buck's grateful it's the fall, so he can get away with wearing his baggier clothes. It's better if no one asks questions about why he looks like he's lost so much weight. Coach started bringing homemade snacks to practice too. Buck knows it's not just for him, but it's nice to pretend.

He thought about telling Coach about what his dad does back in his freshman year, remembers standing in front of him, ready to spill everything. Everything back then wasn't even as half as bad as it is now. 

But then his dad picked him up from practice and must have noticed the look on his face. He set Buck straight that night. Told him if he ever told anyone he would go back to Pennsylvania and make Buck watch as he killed his mother and sister right in front of him. 

He wonders if Richard is even capable of doing it, but the slim chance of it happening is enough to keep him quiet till he can legally get out of the house. 

**_M_** : can we talk please?

**_B_** : im in class

**_M_** : r u free after school?

**_B_** : no

"Buck give me your phone." Ms. Flynn, the stereotypical strict English teacher who was never told that long jean skirts went out of fashion decades ago. "Now."

She's also the type that just, takes your phone because she can, Buck isn't sure its totally legal. But it's better not to cause a scene so nothing gets back to his dad, Buck doesn't need any reason for the man to get any angrier than he already is. So he just turns his phone off and hands into her very dry hands with very long fingernails, Buck likes cats but this lady definitely _loves_ cats he's guessing.

"Who were you texting?" Tommy talks like his voice is permanently winking, it's amazing and annoying. Buck wonders how Eddie can stand being around the guy, especially since the two don't seem like they'd get along at all… _w_ _ait…_

It's not the first time he's thought about Eddie, what he's doing, what he would think of the situation, the faces he would make, what he would say, and it's definitely not going to be the last time. Every time Buck catches himself drifting off its off-putting, especially because of how much he does it and how it happens with even mundane stuff. 

Buck finds himself annoyed for the rest of the day, and Tommy keeps asking he was texting the new cheerleader on the team because he 'totally wants to hit that.' _Who even talks like that still?_

Walking into the library feels like a relief, even though he isn't quite used to the loud silence of the fluorescent lights and page-turning and whispering, at least he knows that Eddie is a constant presence, it's nice. 

But Buck can't have nice things.

They always dedicate the first half-hour to a random course Buck is struggling with (which is all of them) and then take a little break before they start on math, its a nice routine they have, and Buck likes routines, he likes things he can predict. 

Well, he didn't predict Eddie Diaz.

"Hey, Buck I wanted to talk to you about something." If there was one sentence to shift the mood of any conversation it was that, instantly Buck feels everything in him tighten, _maybe he's finally giving up? It was nice while it lasted…_

"Uh, yeah, what's up?" Pretending to be calm is one of his stronger traits.

"I don't know how to say this…" _Here we go._

"Buck, I think you have ADHD." _Oh…_

"What are you talking about?" He's heard this before. Buck overheard the teacher at the parent-teacher conference tell his parents that they thought he might have _some issues_. It was the first time he saw his father go ballistic. 

"I was looking up some ways to tutor you, and I came across this article about people who struggle with math and that it was linked with ADHD and some of the symptoms remind me of —"

"We're not talking about this anymore." Buck feels his nails dig into the palm of his hands, almost enough to draw blood.

"Buck, I just want —" _This is what I get for getting too close._

"I don't care what you want, where the fuck do you get off just diagnosing me with shit? You don't know me, you don't know my fucking life," Buck's yelling now and the librarians probably two seconds away from giving him detention, "just leave me alone."

He can feel everyone's eyes on him as he leaves, it burns into his skin, and he feels itchy and hot. Even in the Fall, L.A. still manages to feel like a sauna, taking off his hoodie doesn't help the sensation go down.

Everything is spinning, and riding his bike feels like a colossal feat. He doesn't even know where he's riding too till he finds himself in front of a small diner. Buck still has some spending cash leftover, and a plate of fries sounds like heaven right now.

Except he walks in and sees his sister sitting at a booth with Chimney?

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Nothing seems to be going Buck's way today, so who cares if he makes it worse

"Buckaroo, slow down." Chimney must have gotten off a shift. Buck can smell the lingering ash. _But why is he here, with her?_

"Are you two dating or something?"

"What no, Evan were just friends." He hasn't seen Maddie since the game, since three years ago. Maybe in another universe, they could have had a better bond, but Buck can't have nice things.

"Oh yeah sure 'just friends,' does Doug know you're fucking someone else?" Maddie looks sick, and Chimney's eyes go dark, _guess I hit a nerve?_ He wonders who's going to deck him first. 

"Buck, that's enough." Chimney got bigger, football helped a bit, but firefighting really filled him out. Buck might be intimidated if he wasn't already used to being yelled at every single night. 

"Come on Chimney, you just lost Kevin I get -" _There it is,_ Chim grabs the front of Buck's shirt and pulls him in close.

"Do not bring Kevin into this, what the hell is wrong with you?" The servers are heading over, one of them says something about calling 911, that would really piss his Dad off if he had to pick Buck up from the police station. 

Buck puts his hands up in defeat, and Chimney lets go of him, he doesn't think he's ever seen Maddie look so disappointed, "Evan, what happened to you?" Buck laughs because, for a second, it sounds like she actually cares. 

He decides not to answer and just leaves, _no fries for me._

When he gets home his dad is there, fuming about some _bitch_ client and her _dumbass_ demands. It's the worst beating so far. But Buck feels like he might deserve this one, just to correct the wrongs he's done. A couple hits land on his face, his dad doesn't usually slip up like that, he'll have to come up with some story for it. 

Afterward, Buck just goes upstairs and falls into bed, he'd like to cry but he doesn't have any tears left.

Before he falls asleep Buck wishes that he could call Eddie, just listen to his voice.

But Buck can't have nice things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the random hiatus i started playing persona 5 and got extremely obsessed, but I beat it so I'm back! i had a bit of writers block too but I'm also over that
> 
> hopefully this chapter was a good apology? 
> 
> comments/criticisms/kudos all welcome!


	10. Chapter 10

His dad makes him stay home till his face heals up enough where it doesn’t look like he got hit by a truck. Buck wonders if this is the universe’s way of apologizing for all of the shit it’s thrown at him.

Buck’s never missed a day of school, it was easier to go when he was sick or feeling terrible because at least he wasn’t at home with his dad. As soon as his dad walks out the door he gets ready to go scouting for lawns that look like they’ve grown too long. 

He gives his phone a glance while walking out, he only has a few. Most of them are from last night, memes from Hen, Tommy bugging him, and the rest are from Eddie. Buck doesn’t bother reading them since they’re probably half-hearted apologies. Maddie sent a few, asking to talk, Chimney just sends a simple ‘apologize to your sister.’ 

Buck shoves his phone into his pocket, then promptly takes it back out to send Hen a text. Out of everyone, she’s the only one who he wants to talk to.

**_B_** : not going to school today

**_H_** : what’s up?

**_B_** : feeling sick

**_H_** : feel better okay?

He smiles, Hen might not always show it but she has her soft side. They met at freshman football practice, the first one where girls could try out for the team. When Buck tried to approach her she got mad, going off about how she has every right to be on the team as much as he does. Buck just said he thought she played well, then they started hanging out. Chimney just tagged along with them, always saying he had nothing better to do. 

Maybe if his life was different, he could have been a better friend to them. 

After riding around with his thoughts for a bit he comes across a small house with grass that's almost up to his knees and an old woman sitting on the porch drinking coffee, _jackpot_.

“Hello ma’am, I saw your lawn and was wondering if you would like me to mow it for you?” If she stood up she probably would have been up to Buck’s waist, the glasses on her face made her eyes look huge, and with a quick glance inside the screen door, the house was full of knick-knacks and dust. Definitely the type that would pay a hefty sum.

“How sweet of you, it has gotten a bit out of hand hasn’t it? If you can get the mower out of the garage I’ll pay you for your work, how does that sound?” 

“That sounds wonderful ma’am.” 

Buck should charge for retrieving the lawnmower because holy shit was it packed in there, but after narrowly avoiding being buried in an avalanche of memorabilia and a few hours of mowing he makes his way back to his bike two-hundred dollars richer. She wanted to pay more but Buck has a soft spot for sweet old ladies and couldn’t bring himself to take her money, even though he could have really used it.

He realizes that he hasn’t had any breakfast today, his dad didn’t bother leaving anything out and he didn’t want to go through the hassle of breaking the locks on the fridge. So Buck makes his way to the nearest Starbucks, a little treat for making some money.

He’s just sat down after paying for his order, passing time playing games on his phone when _she_ walks in.

“Mobile order for Athena.” _Oh god, oh fuck, oh shit._

Buck knows for a fact that she knows his face, he’s a star quarterback on her husband’s team of course she does. She hasn’t been to a lot of games, just usually the big ones, Coach had introduced her and his step-kids to the team, over-emphasizing the fact that she was a cop. A good scare tactic for not having the players have rowdy parties. 

Now here she was in the same Starbucks as him, he decided to make himself as small as possible while she makes her way over, wondering if throwing his hood up would look too suspicious. 

“You know, if you were a criminal on the run I would have no problem catching you.” _I’m screwed._

“Uh, hi?” 

And that’s how Buck found himself sitting in the back of a cop car drinking a grande white chocolate mocha frappuccino, _at least I got to keep my drink._

When his dad finds out about this he’s going to kill Buck, and when he finds out that Buck made money today? _Maybe I should just run._

“Don’t even think about it kid.” _She’s quick_.

“I wasn’t gonna do anything.”

“Right,” 

Buck has a feeling that she doesn’t like him much, which isn’t much of a stretch. To his small friend group he’s able to be the real him, but to everybody else? Buck somehow became a smug, player, type. Playing along with it made it easier to keep everyone at a distance. 

“I called the school, seems like you’re sick today.” Officer Grant is wearing sunglasses but he can feel her eyes digging into his soul, he wonders how Coach deals with this every day.

“Just wanted some coffee…” _I’m mumbling, is she can yell at me too._

“Do your folks know you’re here?” Buck just looks off to the side, “Didn’t think so, what’s their numbers?”

“Wait please don’t call my dad!” 

_Maybe this is how it feels when the world stops turning._

He didn’t mean to sound so dramatic, maybe she’ll just take it as one of those punks who go soft once their parents get involved. The shiner on his cheek might say different, but he has a bike so an easy ‘I’m clumsy’ usually gets people off his case. 

Athena just sighs, “Alright but I don’t want you roaming around, so you’re going to do a ride-along with me.”

“Do I have a choice?” 

The glare she gives him says shut up and sit down, _this is going to be a long day_.

There are a couple of calls, one for purse snatcher, and Buck can’t help but ask the guy a bunch of questions about how he got to be this way. They talk while Athena packs him away into another officer’s car. 

When they get back into the car he feels himself deflate, _I did it again_. “Sorry, sometimes I can’t shut up.”

“You’re just curious it’s fine, just don’t make a habit of talking to criminals.” There’s a weird feeling in his chest, something like warmth? Something he hasn’t felt in a while, other than when Bobby tells him he did a good job.

Something he’s never really felt with his own parents.

The other call is for public intoxication which would be weird since its one in the afternoon, but Buck’s gotten used to the smell of booze while the sun is out. He doesn’t make an effort to talk to the guy at all.

Buck’s stomach growls and Athena radios in that she’s taking a lunch break. He starts to say that he’s not that hungry but she just gives him another look and he keeps quiet. Before he knows it they're pulling up to a fire station, the 118.

“Wait here for a second Buck.” He does what he’s told, maybe she’s just going in to say hi? Buck has no idea how to explain that he’s skipping school and won’t be at practice only because his dad made him. If it were up to him he would go to school with two broken legs.

But Athena is back and she opens the door for him, “Come on, Bobby made spaghetti carbonara.”

“You told him I’m here?” _This is bad._

“Well it would have been strange if you just walked in wouldn’t it?” Buck just nods and makes himself look small as possible as he makes his way into the station.

The team’s been here a few times, an end of the season trip where Bobby introduces both teams to each other, a way of recruiting some players to be firefighters. Buck has always loved this place, ever since he saw it the first time he knew he wanted to work here.

He wanted to work side by side with Chimney and Hen, but he doesn’t know if he’s worthy of that dream anymore. 

“Hey Buck, come on up the food will get cold.” Buck didn’t even notice that he’d stopped moving to look at the trucks, he didn’t notice that Coach had been watching him from the banister. _He’s not mad?_

Lunch is weird, because of the fact that nothing about it is weird. 

All of the firefighters just keep on with whatever conversation they were having and even let Buck join in. Thankfully Chimney isn’t there, Coach told him that he had the day off. If Buck hadn’t been such a dick he would have felt bad, but he just feels his muscles relax when he hears it.

Bobby doesn’t even mention anything about practice or school, it’s nice.

The alarm rings and everyone groans while getting up, stuffing their faces with one final forkful of pasta.

While Coach is passing by to the stairs he tells Buck to take some leftovers. It’s a nice thought, and he wishes he could, but he can’t open the fridge and if he could his dad would want to know where he got the food from, he just smiles and nods. Easier than saying why he can’t. 

“Should we go?” It feels weird to be there while it’s basically empty, there are only a few people left at the station, milling about.

“We’ll head out when you finish.” _Are all adults this nice?_

As she promised they leave after he’s done eating his fifth piece of garlic bread, _homemade_ garlic bread. Buck thinks he’s died and went to heaven. He hasn’t felt this full in a long time, and it's half nice half nauseating. Mostly nice though.

When Athena parks in front of his house across the street he makes sure his dad’s truck in the driveway, he hopes the sigh of relief isn’t too audible. 

“Thanks for the ride.” Buck's about to leave when Athena clears her throat.

“You know you can tell me anything Buck, I’m here to listen.” _Bobby says the same thing._

“I’m okay…” The lack of eye contact probably says otherwise.

“Here, take this, give me a call if you’re ever in trouble.” Buck takes the business card in his hand, it feels nice and smooth. He stuffs it in his hoodie, Buck doesn’t plan on using it.

“Thanks.” And he hops out, opening the back of the SUV to grab his bike and makes his way back to the house.

Buck decides to give his phone another look, just in case.

**_E_** : Buck im really sorry

**_E_** : I didn’t mean to make u feel bad

_Wow, you really care._ Buck thinks it over for a second before sending a reply.

**_B_** : its fine

**_B_** : but im not showing up after school anymore

He heads upstairs and puts his money in the box under the floorboard. There are around a thousand dollars in there, definitely not enough to survive on his own in California, but enough to start.

They say not to wish for the future, but that’s the only thing keeping him going at this point.

Even that’s starting to dwindle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are all so sweet :( every time I read ur comments I wanna cry
> 
> its been a bit hard to write because I really want to get to this one part but I have to get there first which is the difficult part
> 
> but I will soldier on for you all!


	11. Chapter 11

It doesn't hit Eddie that he said something wrong until his sister points it out.

"You're a dumbass." Or more like smacks him over the head.

Eddie wants to retort and tell her she's totally wrong, but something stops him from opening his mouth. Sophia surprisingly doesn't roll her eyes and instead just awkwardly pats his head and leaves. Considering their sibling relationship, he takes a second to wonder if his sister has been replaced with a sweeter, more delightful clone.

Except in the morning she drags him out of bed, so he takes it all back.

Other than that, he spends the rest of the morning thinking about Buck, which isn't much different than any other day, except instead of pining, it's mostly just worrying. Worrying thatBuck will never speak to him again because Eddie has a habit of being 'insensitive' as his parents explained after making too many kids on the playground cry. 

Something that he had thought was in the past, but after the reaction Buck gave him, it's safe to say Eddie is not as tactful as he thought he was.

_But the past is in the past_. 

Eddie really doesn't want to lose whatever progress he had made with Buck, regarding their budding friendship or tutoring. He didn't want to be the reason that Buck couldn't play football anymore.

But the texts he sends go unanswered until they're not.

It feels like a punch to the gut.

After that, Buck stays true to his word, weeks pass, and Eddie still goes to the library after school every day, hoping that maybe Buck will show up.

He never does.

Hen and Buck stopped sitting in the cafeteria, so the only time that he can check on him is in passing between classes and practice. Buck still plays fine, like nothing ever happened. But Eddie can see fading bruises and bags under his eyes, and it hurts to even look at him. 

It's the worst feeling Eddie has experienced, knowing something terrible is happening and not being able to do a goddamn thing.

But it feels like he's the only one who can see something is wrong, at least out of the players. Coach looks at Buck like there's something on the tip of his tongue, but Buck has a way of slipping out of conversations and disappearing with ease. 

They still win most of their games, Eddie and Buck are a powerhouse team on the field. Even without barely any words exchange between the two of them.

_That ends today._

See Eddie has a plan, not foolproof but a plan nonetheless.

If he could just corner Buck, make him listen to him, maybe they could get over whatever bump this was and get back on the right track. 

Buck always takes the longest to get dressed, so Eddie just has to stick around until he leaves the locker room and heading to his bike and then bam, Eddie apologizes, and everything is normal.

At least that's what he hopes happens, with Buck it's hard to predict things, but Eddie likes a challenge.

Waiting for Buck is a challenge all in itself, the guy literally takes the _whole_ time to change. Eddie never paid it any mind at first, but after noticing the bruises himself, he can only guess that its worse underneath his t-shirts and the mountain of hoodies he started wearing. 

There's not much time to think about that at the moment because Buck's finally walking out of the locker room, and it takes all of Eddie's willpower not to tackle him onto the ground and pin him so he can't get away. 

"Hey, Buck." It's _now or never._

"What do you want?" The response he was expecting, but it still hurt to hear such animosity coming from Buck's mouth.

"I wanted to talk about what happened —" _Let me apologize._

"Don't worry. I'm over it." Buck turns around to leave, _he's always leaving…_

"I'm not." I'm _not letting this go. I'm not letting you go._

Eddie grabs just Buck's forearm, and it burns the same it did back then. Buck shakes him off as if real flames were licking at his arm.

"What's your fucking problem?" Eddie could ask the same, but now isn't the time for that.

"I like you, Buck." _What._

"What?"

"I like you a lot. I don't know why so don't ask, and I don't know when, but I like you a lot. I miss you coming over my house before games, and I miss watching movies with you, and I miss eating lunch with you, and I miss sitting in the library with you, and I miss you." 

This is not what Eddie wanted to say at all, it was supposed to be a simple 'I'm sorry' not a whole confession, but the words wouldn't stop falling from his mouth, and it's too late to put them back now.

Buck just looks, blank? Unfazed? "And?"

"What do you mean 'and?'" Buck is unpredictable.

"You confessed to liking me, thanks, that means a lot. Didn't you just fucking diagnose me like a week ago? Are you trying to cure me with the power of love or something?"

"Buck, what I said it was insensitive but —" _This isn't how this is supposed to be going._

"But what? Do you think that I'm just some dumbass who needs saving? I told you I'm not your fucking project. I don't need your fucking help." Eddie's never seen Buck angry, never on the field, never when someone was poking fun at him, Buck has never been angry. 

Except for right now, Buck is in his face, practically screaming. They're the same height, but Eddie has never felt smaller.

"Why are you being so mean?" Eddie doesn't mean for his voice to crack, the situation there is just stressful.

Buck just starts laughing, "Because you have no clue what it's like to be me."

Eddie has to pause because he doesn't. He doesn't know much about Buck's home life or much about Buck, really. But, "Everybody's life sucks sometimes, Buck."

Maybe it's not the best thing to say because whatever twisted version of a smile dies on Buck's lips. 

"At least your dad doesn't beat you."

_Oh._

"Buck…"

"Ignore that, don't ever fucking repeat that to anyone," Buck is grabbing Eddie's shoulders and if he grabbed any tighter, Eddie wonders if they would snap under the pressure, "Eddie I'm not kidding don't tell anyone."

"But Buck, this is serious, your dad…"

"I'm handling it. I've been handling it. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. Just leave me alone."

The shove isn't forceful, but the weight of the conversation almost topples Eddie over. He doesn't know how long it takes him to recover, but by the time he does and goes to the paring lot Buck's long gone. 

He doesn't even know how he got home, but he walks through the front door straight to his room and throws himself down on the bed. 

The events of the past thirty minutes run him over and over and over again, like a wave that keeps crashing down and dragging him out into the ocean. 

So he cries, maybe for himself, but mostly for Buck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooo........ thoughts?
> 
> comments/kudos/criticism appreciated <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW Child abuse

Buck has a lot of fears. He's human. He's scared of fumbling a pass, scared of his teachers catching him texting in class, scared of his father, but he's afraid of becoming his father more than all of that. 

He's done the research on his iPhone that's four generations behind everyone else's. Buck knows that the abused can become abusers, that the children of alcoholics could turn into alcoholics themselves. 

That's why he's been so careful, he was so gentle with Abby he didn't want to hurt her, they never argued, he never raised his voice when he was mad, and she still left. 

At parties he doesn't drink, nobody bothers him about it and just hand him a soda instead. 

So why, after all that effort, did he emulate the one person he hates the most in front of the person he likes the most?

_Maybe I'm just not strong enough._

Buck is tired, of thinking, of breathing, of existence. He just wants to go to his room and sleep, his dad's schedule has been all over the place, so he's not sure if he'll be home tonight. If he can just endure it for a little while, his dad will let him go, and then he can finally _rest_.

"What is this?" Richard is sitting at the dining table with Athena Grant’s business card laying in front of him

The scene would have been comical if not for the adrenaline pounding through Buck.

"It's um…" What is he supposed to say, it's obvious what it is. Figuring out what his dad wants to hear is the difficult part.

"Don't think about lying to me, Evan." There's a reason as soon as he came to L.A. he insisted everyone called him by 'Buck' because 'Evan' was a reminder of a family that no longer existed.

"I didn't tell her anything, I swear. She's Coach Nash's wife. We just ran into each other." It's not a lie.

"What's there to tell her, I'm just disciplining you." Buck realizes that right now, his dad his stone-cold sober. Something that hasn't happened since he was fourteen, Richard would swear that he wasn't going to drink again, he would never hit Buck _that hard_ again.

It was always a lie. 

The lack of the smell of whiskey in the air has Buck uncomfortable, booze meant his dad was drunk, and when his dad was drunk, he wasn't on his A-game and when he wasn't on his A-game Buck didn't get hit as much. This is brand new territory.

"You understand that, right? I only do enough to teach you."

"Yeah…"

"What was that?"

"Yes…sir."

Richard just sighs and gets up. Buck is taller than him. It's always been an advantage. Now he feels like an ant. 

The fist comes out of nowhere, blood starts gushing out of his nose, and he crumples onto the ground. When he looks up at _him,_ Buck expects to see malice, rage, anger, disgust, something, but the eyes that stare back at him are blank. 

_Oh, he's going to kill me._

Buck's so shocked he doesn't even think to block the next few kicks that come swinging towards him. By the time he comes back to Earth, his right arm has been extended out, one knee on his back and the other on his arm, all Buck can do is beg.

"Dad, please, what are you doing."

"I thought football would toughen you up, I let you do it for too long, you got out of control," the knee digs deeper into his back, and Buck can barely breathe, "Don't you forget Evan, I am your father."

Buck wants to be a firefighter. He always wanted to help people since he was a kid. When he got older, Buck thought about joining the military, but once he saw inside the fire station, he was hooked. Bobby told him to study up on all different sorts of things, medical and fire science mostly. The words were hard to follow sometimes, but it was interesting, it was the first time he read a book cover to cover. 

So that's why he knows when his dad finally gets off his back, he needs to make a sling, his brain hasn't registered the pain yet but judging from the location, his dad has just fractured his arm.

The scream tears out of him as soon as the pain reaches his brain, like a wounded animal. 

"Shut up. It's not that bad."

Buck can only look up at him through watery eyes, hoping the gritting of his teeth and glare can convey how much _hatred_ he feels at the moment. Probably for the rest of his life.

At least when his father was drunk, there was the benefit of the doubt that he really didn't mean it. This was planned, deliberate, his right arm is broken, his throwing arm. Buck won't be able to play the rest of the season, let alone write notes for class. 

"Call…911…please…" Buck's phone is in his backpack, discarded somewhere in the entryway, even if he wanted to get up and get it there's no way he could without passing out.

Richard is making his way back to Athena's card, taking it over to the sink and lighting it up with a match. "Hold on Evan, let's get our stories straight." 

"What?" _Is he serious right now?_ Buck barely sat up, and it made his head spin, he doesn't have time for _negotiations_. 

"After all I call, they're going to want to know what happened, so what are you going to tell them?" There he is, standing above Buck, a reminder that he is truly small and alone.

"…I…fell of my bike…" Richard smiles and pats his head.

Who would believe Buck if he told them, he's a football player, strong, tall, he should be able to defend himself. He's on his own here, no family, no friends. 

He can hear his dad on the phone with an operator, sounding like a concerned parent. Buck would laugh if it didn't jostle him. 

The entire time waiting for the ambulance, his dad just sits at the table watching him, waiting for Buck to make some sort of 'move.' _Like I could._ He finally takes a look at his arm, it didn't break the skin, but the bone threatens to poke out of his arm. The pain is still there, but he knows that if he cried, his dad would make his life hell. 

There's a knock at the door, "LAFD, we received a call about a broken arm." 

_No way, it can't be._

Of course, when his dad comes back with the fire department, it's the 118, and of course, Bobby and Chimney are both on shift. _Are you kidding me?_

Chim looks like a deer caught in headlights and doesn't move till Bobby practically shoves him. 

"Buck, what happened?" Bobby was a born leader; titles of coach and captain just come naturally to him. Already Buck feels calmer.

"He fell off his bike," Richard answers before Buck can even open his mouth. 

Chimney looks up from where he's assessing the fracture to look up at Buck, "Is that true?"

Again before Buck can answer, "Of course it's true, why would I lie?"

"Sir, my subordinate doesn't mean anything by that. Were you there when the accident happened?" Bobby swoops in once again, Chim just snaps his gum in response and tends to Buck's bloody nose.

"No, but Evan told me, right?" Buck is afraid that if he opens his mouth, he'll just speak the truth, so he keeps it shut and nods. 

"Alright, Stephanie, Chimney load him into the bus. Do you want to ride with him, sir?" _Please no._

"Sure thing."

So this is how it's going to play out, he's _not going to let me out of his sight._ What would he do to Buck if he told the truth? Not like he's planning on it anyways.

The ride to the hospital is quiet, save for Chimney and Stephanie bickering back and forth, and the sound of the sirens overhead. Buck tries to keep a smile on his face, for them, but it's hard to do when he can feel his dad watching him. 

The emergency doctor gives him an assessment, sends him to radiology and back, the entire time his dad tags along. Playing the concerned father role exceptionally well. 

"Sir, can I get you to come sign these papers over here?" Richard just huffs and gives Buck a look and leaves through the drawn curtains. 

Buck feels like he can finally breathe until the curtains on the other side are being drawn, and Athena is standing there. 

"Hey Buck, how are you doing?"

"Fine."

"You want to tell me what happened?" What is it she wants to hear, the truth? _Probably not, it's too hard to believe._

"I fell off my bike."

"Is that what really happened?"

Buck thinks for a second, maybe, just maybe, she could do something. Get him out of that hell. 

"Everything alright here?" But this is reality. This is Buck's reality. He doesn't get a happy ending.

After his dad interrupts, Athena just closes her notebook and leaves, saying something about a 'routine check.'

They call an Uber back to the house, Richard makes small talk with the driver. Like he's an average person that didn't just break his son's arm. 

When they get home, Buck walks straight to his room and sleeps. 

What else can he do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this chapter and the next few planned out since before i wrote the first chapter, thoughts?
> 
> and if anyone would like me to add tags for TW and such please let me know!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> underage drinking and smoking

The next day Buck comes to school in a sling. Eddie doesn't know what to make of it. He knows Buck didn't lie, why would he? Eddie had figured that it had to be something serious, people don't flinch at high fives and pats on the back as much as Buck does. 

Eddie knew that it was serious, but to think that it was his father that was causing him pain…it was a lot for him to handle. He felt that maybe Buck was involved in the wrong crowd, because then maybe he could have helped. This might be out of his control. 

What is he supposed to do? Tell Coach? Call the police? Eddie's watched enough Law and Order to know that sometimes victims of abuse don't even consider themselves victims until it's too late. That doesn't mean he's giving up, the hill he has to climb has just turned into Mt. Everest is all. 

The best place to start is with Hen. She _might know more than me._

Catching up with her is not as hard as it was to catch Buck. They have most of their classes together, and Eddie can talk to her while they walk from class to class, easy. This is what he thought, but it takes until the period before lunch to gather the courage to just talk to her. 

"Hey, Hen." California doesn't get that much cooler than Texas, but Hen's cold glare sends a chill down his spine.

"Can I help you?"

"I wanted to know what happened with Buck."

"Why?" He doesn't know how it's possible, but her eyes narrow even more. 

"Well, because I…" _Am madly in love with him? Want to protect him with every fiber of my being?_

"Spit it out. Class starts soon."

"I'm worried about him." Again, not what he meant to say, but it seems to work for Hen because her features soften immediately.

"I am too, Eddie." She sighs, ready to tell him, but the bell rings, and Mrs. Forman starts the lecture _immediately_ for some reason. 

Most of the lecture is slides, so he doesn't have to think much and just writes while his brain goes a million miles a minute. _What does she know, does she know?_

The bell rings again, which seems to be both a second and an eternity later, Hen is quick to pack her things, and Eddie follows suit as she walks out of class towards the cafeteria.

Before they part ways she stops and turns around, "He told me it was because he fell off his bike,"

"You can't be serious…"

"I know, I've tried to talk to him before. When we were freshman I thought he was just clumsy or something because of some of the bruises I saw," Hen's one of the teams strongest players, but right now she has a hard time even looking Eddie in the eye, "I thought that if I just reminded him that I always there for him, that he would tell me eventually. I don't know if he's doing something illegal or his dad hits him,"

Eddie flinches.

"So, it's true. I only met the man once when he dropped Buck off for practice. He puts on this facade, but you can tell it's just a front." 

"Why didn't you do something?" He can't help it, Eddie has to know. How could Buck go walking around this school with bruises beneath his clothes every day, and no one noticed?

"Eddie, have you met Buck? He's so stubborn and keeps everything to himself. I barely put everything together after he came to school with a black eye for the first time this year." 

"Hey, you two," _Tommy, I swear to God, "I'm_ having a party this weekend be there or be square, Eduardo." 

"It's Edmu-Eddie." _Where did he get Eduardo?_

"Thanks Tommy, I'm going to go sit with Buck now. You good?" Eddie just nods, and Hen waves goodbye.

He doesn't want to go to the party, but something tells him that Buck will be there, and if he can just Buck to talk to him for real this time, _maybe Buck can get away from his dad._

Waiting for the weekend is hard, Buck still ignores him, practice is tough as ever even though they don't have a game on Friday, his mom keeps asking what happened to that 'sweet boy you always brought over,' and Sophia has been relaying all of his 'moping' (her words not his) to Adriana. Sometimes he really hates being the middle child between two sisters.

Finally, Friday comes around, and Eddie tells his parents that he's going to spend the night at a friend's house to _study_. He feels bad about lying to them, but if they found out he was going to a _party? With_ _alcohol_?! Eddie would be dead where he stood.

Lena picks him up, and they head out. He feels terrible. He hasn't been the most attentive friend lately. But when he tried apologizing, she just brushed him off and hit him in the shoulder, "That's what happens when you like someone." Eddie doesn't know how she figured it out, but he's thankful to know someone as great as her. 

It's not the high school party he's watched in the movies, Eddie went to a few in El Paso, but he was expecting something crazy in L.A. A few teens are hanging out in the front lawn, and he can barely hear the music. When they get inside, its basically the same, everyone is just hanging; out; some people are in the living room watching T.V., there are a few people in the pool, and Eddie can _definitely_ smell weed everywhere. 

"Edu-tainment, you came!"

Eddie doesn't bother, Tommy is having enough trouble keeping himself upright.

"There's beer pong in the back, Lena please I need you on my team." 

Lena gives Eddie a look, and he just nods, she nods back, and she follows Tommy to the backyard. He grabs a soda from the ice chest and starts walking around the house, only one thing on his mind, _Buck._

He walks around the house, it's not too big, but Eddie isn't sure if he'll be able to find Buck before the night is over. Until he discovers there is a basement _in California?_

The weed smell is the strongest down here. I'm _gonna have to wash these clothes…_

However, his thought is crudely interrupted when he finally sees Buck on the couch…with a girl in his lap…making out. It might have been hot, like some of the other people thought it was if Eddie didn't feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. 

"Buck, what the fuck are you doing?" Eddie hopes he's out of it enough not to hear his voice crack. 

Buck just looked up at him with a lazy smile. "Um, what does it look like?" 

"Who's this?" Says girl in lap, Eddie wishes he could hate her, but he knows better.

"This is Eddie. He makes sure I don't get tackled on the field."

"You're a football player?"

"Yeah."

"You can get a concussion, you know."

"Look, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Buck, I really need to talk to you."

  
"Sorry, Eddie, buddy. But me and…A…Ashley?" _If looks could kill._

"It's Ali, you ass." With that, Ali gets up and leaves up the stairs.

Buck gets up halfheartedly to go after her, "That's what I said!"

"Buck, can we talk? Outside preferably?" Eddie hopes that some fresh air can sober Buck up a bit so they can have an actual conversation.

"Fine."

Eddie is surprised how easy it is to get Buck to agree, but he's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

They find some lawn chairs away from everyone in the backyard. It feels nice to just sit with Buck. 

But he's got to get through to him, and it feels like if Eddie doesn't do it tonight, he won't have another chance. 

"Buck, how did your arm break?"

"How do you think." A lot more straightforward of an answer that Eddie was expecting. 

"Buck, if your dad did that, he should go to jail." Well, Eddie isn't going to pull any punches either if that's how Buck wants to do it. 

"Why do you care?"

Eddie is expecting that question, doesn't mean he knows how to respond. 

"Because you're a human being Buck, you don't deserve to be treated like this."

"Maybe I do." It's quiet, but Eddie hears it. He wishes he didn't. 

"Buck…"

"When you said I have ADHD, I was so angry at you. I didn't know why, until I looked up the symptoms myself, I went on so many websites. Read a whole bunch of shit about it, you know there's this thing called dyscalculia? It's when you have trouble with numbers and shit." Buck has been laughing the entire time, but its anything but joyful. 

"Buck, isn't Coach's wife a cop? If you just talk to her…"

Buck keeps talking like he didn't even hear Eddie, "I think I was so mad because I realized my whole life, that no one cared enough to help me. All my teachers just gave me a passing grade and sent me along. My parents didn't say anything either. Sure my dad hits me, but my mom isn't a saint either. Who lets their kid live with someone they clearly know is abusive? How fucked up is that?"

Eddie just lets him talk. 

"Maybe she didn't know," Buck starts picking at the cast, "Maybe she thought, he wouldn't do anything. That I was his little boy so he wouldn't yell at me like he did to her. She was smart to get out when she did. I was just collateral damage, I guess."

Eddie puts a hand on Buck's fidgeting one, and it instantly calms down. They sit there, and Eddie looks at Buck, and Buck looks at him, and it would just be so easy just to lean over and kiss him. It won't break an evil spell or set the world right, but it would feel nice. 

Buck is leaning in too, and Eddie thinks that _maybe just maybe_ he'll let himself be happy for once. 

Then somebody does a cannonball into the pool, and Buck's face burns red, and he gets up and runs into the house. 

_Goddammit, Tommy._

Eddie decides to give Buck some breathing room before he goes back into the house to confront them. He feels like he's walking on air right now, Buck actually talked about his personal life, Eddie feels like patting himself on the back.

He settles on a white claw instead. It's his only drink of the night, and it's for celebrating.

Once Eddie tosses it into one of the many bags stuffed with cans he goes back into the house, Ali stops him when he walks in. 

"Your boyfriend came in here a while ago and snagged some tequila from the pantry and booked it. I was going to tell whoever threw this party, but I have no idea who that is." Then she walks away like she just didn't obliterate any semblance of hope he had left.

He runs outside to the front, looking back and forth down the road, hoping he can still spot Bucks figure. There's no way though, Eddie took his time because he thought Buck needed space.

With a thirty-minute head start, Buck could be anywhere. Eddie only had one drink, but his head is spinning, and he can feel bile rising into his throat, _this is bad this is bad this is bad._

He thinks about calling 911, but what could they do? That's when he remembers. Coach gave him his number 'only for emergencies.' If this isn't one, Eddie doesn't know what is. 

His fingers shake as he dials, and the ringing is too loud in his ears.

"Hello?" _Thank God._

"Coach, it's Eddie. I think Buck is in trouble."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope its not too obvious i've never been to a party, I have smoked weed though and drank white claw, so I have some authority 
> 
> also shoutout to Tommy for being my comedic relief punching bag for no reason other than the fact I remembered his name


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suicidal thoughts - super brief though

As Buck looked down at the speeding cars on the freeway, all he could think was, 

_What am I doing?_

He didn't know what he intended to do after he had stolen the tequila from Tommy's parent's liquor cabinet and found himself wandering the dark streets of Los Angeles. He knew that at first, it was just to get away, but now once he stopped, Buck wonders what he was really running from.

Eddie, who was so honest with his feelings it made Buck so uncomfortable. Then they almost kissed? It's not that Eddie was a guy, it was that it was Eddie. _Why would he want me?_

Buck was broken, no amount of glue could put him back together, but that didn't seem to stop Eddie from picking up the pieces. 

The bottle sitting at his feet was still as full as it was when he took it. Buck couldn't bring himself to take a drink tonight even though he so desperately wanted just to let go. Instead, he decided to get smoked out by Ali. 

_She was nice._ Buck didn't mean to forget her name. It was just that his mind was a million miles away. It has been for a while.

He's not on this bridge to do anything. The thought of crossing the rail had run through his mind. That the pain in his arm would go away, that the pain of existence would go away. It's just a thought.

"Hey, kid."

"Coach?"

"What are you doing here?" If Buck could guess…

"Eddie thought you were in some trouble, so I wanted to make sure you were alright." _Eddie_ , who knew a person could be so nice. 

"Well, I'm fine so you can go back to your nice life now." Buck has seen Coach's family a few times, his kids look happy. _He should be with them, not here._

"Why don't we sit down and talk?" Buck just nods and follows Coach over to the bench nearby. He doesn't realize how exhausted he is till he collapses down onto the seat.

"You're right, you know, I do have a nice life. I had one before too, but I lost it." Coach doesn't mention anything about his past really, but the look on his face tells Buck that he's not making this up. "I struggled for a long time, but do you know how I got through it?"

It's probably a rhetorical question, but Coach is asking him, "Just moving on?"

"I guess that was apart of it." Coach's hands go into his jacket, and he pulls out a coin, "But most of all, I had a lot of support." 

Buck just stays silent.

"You know why I'm telling you this, Buck?" 

And out of nowhere, all of the tears that have been building up for the past three years just come pouring out. His lungs are on fire, and Buck just can't stop _sobbing._

"It's going to be an okay kid." Buck realizes that he's being hugged, the feeling is entirely foreign to him. 

"Bobby, I'm just so tired…" Coach lets Buck out of the hug, and he can feel his bones start to ache.

"Do you want to go home?" Every inch of him screams _no._

"No please…I don't want to go back there." He's not sure where he got the courage to be truthful for once, _it feels nice._

Bobby just pats Buck on the shoulder, "Would it be okay if I took you to my house?"

"But you have…" _A family who shouldn't be subjected to me._

"It's alright Athena won't mind, she cooked salmon tonight, and we have lots of leftovers." 

Buck just hets up and follows Bobby to the car, the bottle of tequila completely forgotten.

When they get closer to the car, he can see someone in the passenger seat. For a second, he wonders if Athena came along, but before he can ask, the door opens and out steps Eddie.

"Are you okay?"

Buck starts crying again, not as much as before, but it's still the more than he's ever cried in his life. 

Eddie just walks closer and pulls Buck into another hug, _the most I've ever been hugged either._

He clings to Eddie like a lifeline because maybe that's just what he is.

"Thank you." It's a whisper, but he hopes Eddie hears it. He probably does because he just holds Buck tighter.

"Alright, boys, let's get you two to bed." They pile into the car. Eddie moves to slide back into the passenger side, but Buck grabs onto his sleeve and silently asks him to sit in the back. 

Buck didn't realize how much he missed being near another person and falls asleep with his head on Eddie's shoulder.

When he wakes up, they're pulling into Coach's house, and Eddie is nowhere to be seen. 

Buck has only been here when they won nationals and had a huge celebration with the team. It feels awkward being there now, and if Buck weren't so tired, he'd think about running away again. 

But he's kind of tired of running.

Athena opens the door for them and ushers Buck to the dining table, he forgot how beautiful their house was and immediately feels out of place. 

Once she sets down the plate in front of him, all of his thoughts leave him, he can't remember the last full meal he's had. Buck can hear them talking, but he can't bring himself to pay attention when the food is _this_ good. 

After he's done with his second plate, Athena clears her throat. Buck has a feeling she might start asking questions. He also has a feeling he might start answering them.

"Buck, at the hospital when the nurse called your dad away, remember I asked you if you actually fell off your bike? Are you ready to tell me what happened?"

Buck opens his mouth, and the words don't stop, he starts from the divorce and ends it at his dad, sober in the kitchen, breaking his arm. The countless nights of going to bed, only eating a few granola bars and bags of chips, being berated and hit and kicked and thrown around. It all comes out, and for the first time in his life, he feels the weight lift from his shoulders. 

Bobby and Athena listen to him the whole time, nodding and grimacing along. 

"Mom?" Buck spins around to see May Grant. He hopes she didn't hear any of that. 

"Hey baby, what's the matter?" Athena immediately gets up and walks over to her, _damage control._

"'m thirsty." Buck misses that, he misses being a child. Bugging his parents in the middle of the night for a glass of water, or to sleep in their bed when he had nightmares. _Was that enough of a reason for him to hurt me?_

"Why don't I show you to the guest room?"

"You're letting me stay?" Not that Buck's complaining, he just didn't expect Bobby actually to let him stick around. 

"Kid, if I had it my way, you'll never step foot in that house again. Also, I'm pretty sure Athena is going to drag you to the station tomorrow to take a statement." 

"Thank you." There's a lot he wants to say, but that's the only thing he can think of.

Coach just smiles and makes sure Buck is settled in before saying goodnight and leaving the room. 

While Buck lays on the soft mattress, he wonders if life could be this easy, if he could be happy. If he deserved it.

Without thinking, he takes out his phone and presses on the last missed call. Surprisingly the phone only rings twice. 

"Hey, Maddie, can we talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my dad walked in and asked if I was writing anything important I was like “…..no?”
> 
> the bridge scene was the first one I thought up and the fic spread out from there


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

“And another round of applause to the graduating senior class!”

Buck feels a tap on his shoulder, “Hey since we can’t throw them, do you wanna switch?”

Eddie actually looks embarrassed to ask, Buck just kisses him and takes the cap from his head and puts it on. “How do I look?”

“Literally, exactly the same.” Eddie rolls his eyes but Buck can see the tinge of pink on his cheeks as he puts on Buck’s cap.

Buck feels his phone go off and picks up when he sees Hen’s name, “Hello?”

“My mom and aunts have me trapped, do not leave I wanna take pictures with you losers.”

“Roger that.” He hears a snort before dial tone.

“EDMUNDO!” They look over to see Adriana bounding over, Sophia has a huge smirk on her face while recording the whole thing.

“Oh god.”

“Baby brother look at you! You’re all grown up, where did the time go?” 

Buck smiles but feels that same twinge of jealousy he always gets when he sees Eddie interacting with his family, there’s no heat behind it. It’s just the yearning for something like that. 

“Hey kid, Athena wants you to take some pictures with May and Harry.” But he doesn’t have to worry too much about that anymore.

“Where are those two rugrats?” Buck can hear giggling bounding towards him and he scoops them both up in his arms. 

“You know you spoil them every time you pick them up.”

“But momma Buck says it’s for training!”

“He’s going to have to go through a lot more training if he wants to compete with me.” Buck sets down the kids as he turns around to great Chimney and Maddie.

“Hey, you made it!” He hugs Maddie tight, to make up for all the ones they didn’t get to have.

“Once I told Josh it was my little brother’s graduation he basically cleared my schedule for the next ten years.”

After what seems like years of taking pictures, he and Eddie finally meet back up. 

“Wait, you guys don’t think we’re done do you?” They both stifle a groan as they start posing for pictures. 

“I think my cheeks are going to fall off if I keep smiling.”

“Which ones?”

“Buck!” 

Hen finally comes over with her family, they are subjected to _more_ photos. Until finally the crowd starts to thin out.

“Alright, I think it’s time to head out to beat the traffic.” _What a dad thing to say_.

“You’re coming over tomorrow right?” Athena planned an entire graduation party, Buck told her she didn’t have to. He was only a guest in their house after all, but she just glared at him and asked what flavor of cake he preferred. 

“If my sisters don’t kill me tonight then yeah.” 

“Eddie the restaurant doesn’t stay open forever idiot.”

“Point exactly.”

As Eddie starts to leave Buck finally gets the courage to say something he’s thought about every night since Eddie followed him outside the party.

“Um…Eddie…?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for not giving up on me.”

Eddie smiles, “There was nothing else to do with my time.”

Buck just laughs and kisses Eddie again, for a moment its just the two of them. 

Till the flash of a camera goes off and they turn to see who the culprit is.

“Abuela?!” 

“Lo siento, you two just look so cute.”

Buck just laughs and laughs and laughs until he feels lightheaded. 

From an outsider’s perspective, Evan Buckley is the happiest man alive, and they would be right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to thank everyone who stuck around and read this from the beginning, I definitely struggled with some of it but reading your comments made me keep going so thank you so so so much!!!!!
> 
> I'm currently fleshing out a wild west buddie au so keep a lookout in the future for that

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @ adhdbuck


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